Dead Battery

          Writing these blogs reminds me of recording messages for my phone. I like them to give people a general idea of who I am and what you can expect if you talked to me in person. I actually used to record a new message every day for my phone. I was one of those pricks who would never pick up the phone but instead let it go to voice mail every time.

When someone was sent to my voice mail they would be treated to one of those messages that say, “What’s that? I can’t hear you, talk louder!”  I would record a new one of these each day with different variations of me talking just so people could keep falling for the prank. I grew bored of this cliché phone prank and started going into more depth to get a laugh at angering others.

 I would actually try to have an entire conversation with the person I was pranking. Saying hello when the voice mail picked up, leaving a space of time between then me asking how they were doing and finally pretending to get into a car accident by screaming and honking my car horn while throwing my phone to simulate crashing sounds. Another one of my favorites was pretending I accidentally hit the receive button instead of ignoring the call. I would then have a conversation with a fake person saying how that I hated the person who just tried calling me and just general insults.

I stopped that and started recording songs and other things, sung by me personally, some of them I just made up off the top of my head. Some of these comprised of “Waffle Time” sung by J.D on Scrubs, Lou Bega’s “Baby keep smiling” and “This is Halloween” from Tim Burton’s Nightmare before Christmas.

Now-a-days I don’t have a personal message for my voice mail, it’s some robotic woman saying my phone number and stating I’m unavailable. I, in fact, have always hated talking on the phone. I like fucking with people via voice mail and texting, that’s pretty much it.